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Random Ramble

Went to the gym today! Mostly because I am premenstrual and retaining water, and I wanted to zone out while walking. It is just easier to do that at the gym! walked for 25 minutes before I got too bored. Managed to put on 2 kilos this week! I expect it's water weight from period and a big weekend, but dammit! :)

I have no idea what I am going to write about this morning LOL I even had some worked out in my head with great titles and everything! Ah well! :)

Today is a Bit of an Odd Day
And I can't even put my finger on it exactly. Wasn't too cranky, given that some PMT days I am ragey, mostly I was just sort of ... inwards and slightly negative. Most of that seems to have lifted after the gym. I have taken three of the magnesium tablets and just had some cruskits with pate to increase my nutrition for the day. (The pate and carbs can help ease some of my symptoms as well as the magnesium tablets say to take 3 for PMT symptoms, and since I already take 2 a day it's not that much of a leap to take one more.) 

I have been pondering on a number of things lately, and I realise I have been feeling like I have let something go. I like conscious decisions about the important things in my life, but I feel like at some point my grasp on my life has slipped, and rather than me buffetting the world, the world is buffetting me. It's time for me to stop and think, and effectively regroup before I start any real work on any big projects. Still thinking very hard about the getting a job issue, as well as the moving house issue, and being PMTy on top of that has been... annoying. To put it mildly. I am still feeling out the shape of next year, I think, but having to do it in different terms from what I am used to.

I do wonder sometimes, what is my urgency? Why am I always in such a hurry? What do I think will happen if I don't hurry, or if I let things go? What could I let go? Is this the shape I want things to be?

I spent about twenty minutes sitting outside and just letting my thoughts ramble. I think I need to do this again and again until I find my central balance again. I need to find the magic words to bring the quietness in. I need to start creating again, rather than just being created.


( 3 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 22nd, 2012 04:42 am (UTC)
Could be partly this weird weather too. I am feeling unsettled today too. So is M. We let playgroup slide and got groceries and a haircut for him instead and had a babycino at the cafe. Thought we would be done in time for my Italian class this afternoon but we just couldn't seem to get our act together so he is now having a much needed rest and I am pottering. Hoping I deal with malaise at the gym tonight. So it went from what is usually a very structured and routine day to a kind of fluff. That's ok though I suppose...
Oct. 22nd, 2012 07:33 am (UTC)
Yeah, I think that's also it too. Unsettling weather plus an abrupt change of plans...
Oct. 22nd, 2012 01:30 pm (UTC)
We need time in our lives to just ruminate.

Tonight I started my mindfulness meditation course, and I think this will be enlightening.
( 3 comments — Leave a comment )