I have been reading up a little on Mindfulness and also Detaching Yourself from the Outcome, and so it's been buzzing away in the back of my head for a bit.

I would have to say that 99% of the time, I incorporate the elements of mindfulness into my life. This journey is *everything*. There's no point to focusing on a single goal to the exclusion of everything else. I am a firm believer that we only get one go in this life, and OMG one life is enough.

But sometimes, just sometimes, things throw us for a loop and we discover that we had issues within us that throw us out of our every day comfort and into some deeply uncomfortable waters. I had a freak out moment the other day that was so distressingly physical I was in shock. I couldn't think, couldn't react, couldn't do anything. It took about two hours before I could look at the source again, and awfully enough, the source that threw me? It was a catalyst, not an actual problem. There was NOTHING to cause the response I had.

Sometimes our brains can be a funny thing. I've never had such a response to anything like this before, and it was 100% in my head. There was no reason for the panicked freak out, and so it's hard to try and rationalise it away into a tidy little box. I don't usually have my life organized into tidy little boxes, but obviously there are some compartments in my head that are just a little too (OCD) tidy... and sometimes the drawers spring open when you least expect them.

I have been so busy lately that I have been jumping around all over the place in Biggest Loser, trying to not watch everything and yet stay in the loop (but seriously, wtf happened to Lydia?) and so last night I managed to catch a couple of eps. They're now in Switzerland, tramping through the snow and having a fabulous, fit and energetic time. It looks awesome, and has made me wonder if I should go throw myself off a cliff for my 40th in a couple of years. Or out of an aeroplane. They both look like fun, and I'd have to be a certain size to do it. Multiple goals covered at once!

But this post is actually about their walk back in time episode. They set up a 4 km walk with a series of gates on it, 13 to be precise, one gate for each week of their weightloss journey with Biggest Loser. So in addition to walking through the snow, they would then come to their gate, and the weight they lost for that week would be added to their backpack, all the way through to the last gate where they have to carry their original weights to the finish line.

Some of these people have lost 50 plus kilos. Can you imagine how heavy that would be? And not just in the physical weight - the emotional resonance for each of those losses and weighins would be a killer. I cried. They cried. Every one cried, and it was really interesting to consider doing this sort of thing for myself.

I sometimes watch Biggest Loser and wish *I* had someone to fly me around the world to make a point about how much my body has changed. Instead, I get to cry in a change room stall while Ju pats me on theb ack and hands me another sized top I thought I would never fit into. I wish *I* had someone to give me an expensive haircut and make over and show me how beautiful I am (though to be honest, I don't think I have any problems in that arena, I think I just like being primped and preened over) and I wish I had someone who could show me how much my face and body have changed as I continue to lose weight.

Of course, people also don't notice. I have a friend who lost 20 odd kilos, and no one even noticed. Shethinks it's because it was a gradual loss, but I am thinking it's also because people just don't actually look at other people. They sort of look into the other person's eyes occasionally and then wait for their turn to speak. Or else they just don't register the physical form so much - it's not their bodies they are engaging with, it's the mind and the conversation is so absorbing the physical is forgotten.

The weight loss side of things is nice, but I'm more getting a kick out of the physical side of things. I am getting deeply into the rowing, perhaps because it is a physical activity where I am pitted against my favourite play partner - me. I'm fitter and healthier than I have ever been, and I have stamina like I've never had before. I am having to relearn the way I move and act, the way my body hangs together and the small things as I shift into a different style of living. My comforts have changed - my tastes in food have changed. It's terrifying, that the little things that supported me no longer do - but they were destructive support structures. I feel a bit like I am flailing to find more beneficial support structures. Having said that though, my friends are the most awesome support structure any one could ever have. I am constantly stunned and star struck  and so very grateful that I have so many amazing people enriching my life.

So I have lost about 18 kilos. I could do a walk, adding one kilo every time I go around the block here, because I'll tell you now, my journey has been a damn sight longer than 13 weeks. Or I could pick up one of my kids and give them a piggy back for a 4 kilometre walk.

I could. But I'm kind of impatient. Walk how fucking far? Can I do it in 45 - an hour? Can we do it at the gym? Can i read while I do it? Can I... can I... can I...? I would never consider Biggest Loser to be overly useful for any one trying to lose weight. Their menus are shockingly light (Under a thousand calories, which makes it a Very Low Calorie Diet) plus from what I saw they aren't eating enough fats to help their bodies recover from the work. They're working 4 - 8 hours a day in the gym. They have nothing else to do except exercize, eat, and work on their emotional problems. But regardless, I still watch, and I still empathize, and I remain much happier that I am doing this *my* way, and not being yelled at by some annoying git in lyrcra.

Yay! 

yay Swancon!

This year we were at the Pan Pacific in Perth, and it was lovely. I think some parts of this will be in dot point, and some will be actual paragraphs. Welcome for the ride, peoples!

Thursday
- left home at 11:30, went and got petrol, berocca, then children, then drove to Eaton. Missed correct entry point to Eaton, lost an hour wandering around looking for Eaton Primary. Kids finally deposited, we drove back home, grabbed our stuff, and then headed into the hotel.
- hotel big and shiny. Rooms love. Dumped hand luggage and headed downstairs for a meal before opening ceremony. Real luggage still on it's way!
- Had one glass of wine with dinner. Forgot it had been about 12 weeks since the last full glass of wine. Was drunk by the time the ceremony started, but sobering up rapidly by the time it finished.
- Welcome to First Con panel had a few new people, and lots of helpful friendly people. Yay! Will remember to volunteer for a second run of the panel on the morning of any future gold coin donation days
- Safe Spaces panel was good, nice and quiet. Discussions of boundary setting within concern trolling, and what each parts of that phrase actually meant. Did not scare the new person too much (we hope).
- I can't remember if we went to a room party or what. I am sure it was about midnight we went to bed? Help?

Friday
- 7:00 wasn't sleep (had a terrible night) so gave in, got up, and checked out the pool. It was cold but not frozen.
- 7:15 made it to gym. Started walking.
- 7:30 the gym is looking very full.. and more people were coming in! Eep! Have discovered one of the secrets of swancon - there's a pile of us in the gym at 7:30 am! All we needed was a panel in front of the treadmills and I'd have been happy! LOL
- 10am we made cookies! oo, I must upload those pics so people can see them. Friday was a huge day. We had heaps of kids and heaps of adults come in, have a look around, and feel very comfortable and join us to make aliens and space ships and TARDISes. I would call that panel a success, and I'm happy to do it again in future! Also met a few of the gold coin donation people, which was lovely.
- Free day for me. I spent a lot of it talking, being friendly to puzzled looking strangers, and raving onto to other people who looked interested in my badges about the con, and how it was a gold coin donation day. Friday... was MASSIVE. I do remember Tori and I positioning ourselves so we could have a better view of all the people walking through the door. The line to get in was huge, and I saw heaps of friends who had always been talking about coming in, and yet completely failed to do so...
- Dinner was a bit of an adventure. I finally got the chance to meet Marianne de Pierres, after four years of finagling by Ju. Marianne is a warm and lovely person, so open and such a wonderful listener. She is just amazing, works her ass off, and I had a great time chatting with her, Kendra, Ju, John, and Sharpie. Just a lovely night, though probably the most expensive steak I have ever purchased in my life. :)
- Chatting with Karen and Dave while sucking NAFF votes out of any one standing still long enough for me to pounce. Met Skot - after he gave me $5 and his vote. This may be important for the rest of Friday night.
- Managed to get invited to the same room party by different people, and being unsure if it was the same room party as one group said it was S's party, and the other said it was M's party... eh, it all worked out. I thought they were sharing but wasn't sure, and they were. Awesome room party. Skot spent a lot of time teaching my how to drink Dave Cake's expensive whiskey. He can teach me how to drink whiskey any time! I was quite enchanted! Headed out at about 1ish I think, nicely drunk and highly amused to hit the gastrolyte in the hopes of mitigating my potential hangover.

Saturday
- 9:30 Anne Mccaffrey Panel. I was the first one there! And I managed shower, hair, clothes, and breakfast! Ian Nicholls and Zoe were a delight to work with, and we talked a bit about ourfavourite books and Ian told us some awesome stories about Anne, and how awesome she was, and how sad every one is at her passing.
- Facepainting for kids! Very pleased that people recognised the butterfly. The Princess was a bit harder. I could either a) practice and learn to do this properly or b) actually limit it to aliens, zombies and skeletons, which I have more grounding in. Eh, they were happy. :)
- Gender norms panel was *awesome*. Brandon was *awesome*. Bevan, Marianne, and Elaine were also *awesome*. Excellent panel. More panels like that and I would probably go to more... though that would also require me to find five minutes to read the programme at some point. I honestly was too busy to look! I just tend to focos on getting to/through my own panels and anything else is gravy.
- I think I accidentally fell asleep when I laid down for a minute in my room. I think it was today... It takes me a while to wake up, unfortunately, so I was pretty boring during the fan fund panel.
- 6:00 Fan funds panel. Equal numbers of panelists and audience. Possibly a good thing as I was dead on my feet due to the bad nights sleep I have been having, and I was pretty lacklustre. But Dave did an awesome job talking about his adventures as DUFF delegate, and it made me want to run off and go for GUFF and DUFF... but later. When the kids are older and I can have adventures like that!
- Dinner at the curry house I think? It was good. I drank a few glasses of wine. Not many. Just two. Started drinking at 7pm.
- Masquerade. I drank 2 more glasses of wine.
- Paranormal Romance Panel - it was OK. every one seemed to like it, but ... it was OK.
- Dancing, chatting, masquerade.
- Coman's Bid Party in the open area in front of the family room. Had one glass of the punch, as I was drinking whiskey but desperately thirsty for a bit. I had three shots of whiskey that night, all sipped slowly. Lots of chats and talking about future cons. Emily gave me a shot of her toffee spirits, which was very toffee and very sweet.
- Went to bed around 2:30ish, showered, etc etc, gastrolyte, bed. But it seems that drinking 4 glasses of wine, 3 shots of whiskey, 1 shot of toffee and one cup of punch over about 8 hours is mixing enough that I was sick for about 3 or 4 hours. I had thought that going gently would be OK but it seems I was very wrong. And then there was the WASFF AGM...

Sunday
- WASFF AGM - had news for every one, we've run out of the money. The investment in the expansion of memberships hasn't paid off *enough* to cover the costs we have been running up. So we need to re-evaluate our stance and see what we can do. Things are getting bigger, just not fast enough for us to recoup enough. This year will be exciting. :)
- I took the minutes. I'm pretty happy. It was a quiet, civilised meeting, and was pretty awesome, really. People had lots of suggestions and stuff. I should finalise the minutes before the next meeting LOL
- LAUNCH CEREMONY! I finally get to tell every one ou big secret - JOHN AND I ARE FAN GUESTS OF HONOUR NEXT YEAR!!! YAYAYYYYYYYY1 *cartwheels* Tommo made me cry LOL I thought he'd announce us with something like "And our Fan Guests of Honour are... Sarah and John Parker!" and we'd stand up and say yay! and then sit down, but he read out this really lovely speech about how awesome we are and how much we've done and I'm just crying thinking of it now... I just can't say enough how over-awed and honoured we are. We really, truly, are.
- I think I drifted a lot on Sunday, and maybe even had a nap. And a bath. It was lovely. Refreshed and renewed, I dressed up for the Awards ceremony, at which John won a TIN DUCk! Against what seemed to be HEAPS of people! I swear there were 2 pages of noms for the Best Fan Production. He totally expected to lose... so he was gobsmacked when he won! I was pretty amazed too! Yay John! Now he has to think of somethign else he can do that's creative, cos there's no more cons in his future! (That's what he says... but he's not disallowing volunteering for other cons... just *running* them is going to stop...)
- Sunday was the NAFF party! I had 2 buckets of shots, which were awesome! Due to a wedding in the other section, we had it in the fan lounge. I had my whiskey, people had other stuff, and there were free shots for any one who wanted one. There were snackies and dip and chocolate and cheese and booze! We had heaps of votes and donations, which was really awesome. Had some great chats and catching up with people, which was just wonderful.

I am missing heaps of stuff but I have to go to Mum's for lunch. I'll write up the rest later, as well as insert some stuff that I know happened but just can't remember what *day* or what *time*...

Had such a great con. Seem to have turned respectable though. Need to fix that.... LOL

We have some awesome contestants for NAFF this year - Sean the Bookonaut, and us! Yay! 

Most of you here should know who I am by now... but John's a little harder to find on the net. But here's a link to his blog anyway :)

Sean has been doing heaps and heaps of awesome stuff - here's a link to his Bookonaut blog. There's some great reading here! 

Regardless of who you vote for (and there is the no candidate option or even the write-in candidate option), please do vote! Every vote, and every dollar, counts! It's only $5, and you can email your vote in and pay your cash by Paypal!

If you'd like to know more about Fan Funds, please come along to our panel, or check out this link, or even just ask us some questions at Swancon!

Thursday

• Welcome to Swancon - Newbie Panel - Thursday 19:30 until Thursday 20:00 with: Samara Morgan, Shay Telfer
• Safe Spaces - Thursday 20:00 until Thursday 21:00 with: Maia ,

Friday

• Aliens and Spaceships and Tardis', Oh My! - Friday 10:00 until Friday 10:30 Saturday (Decorating biscuits with Spec Fic themes)

Saturday

• Anne McCaffrey: An Appreciation - Saturday 09:30 until Saturday 10:30 with: Ian Nicholls, Zoe Wadsworth
• Face painting - Saturday 11:00 until Saturday 11:30
• Fan Funds and You! - Saturday 18:00 until Saturday 18:30 with: Dave Cake, John Parker,
• Paranormal Romance - Saturday 21:00 until Saturday 22:00 with: PRK , Theresa Anns, Ju Landéesse,

Sunday

• WASFF AGM 10am - 1:00 am

Originally posted by leecetheartist at For Aussies - House of Reps marriage equality survey - IMPORTANT

I am starting to get excited about Swancon! It's only about five and a bit weeks away and yay! I'm starting to get that pre-Swancon excitement going! Yay!

I have been hell busy around here, and it's been absolutely AWESOME. There's going to be some announcements soon about stuff I have been working on, plus there will be stuff, stuff, and more stuff! I don't have much to say right now, except to just burble excitedly for a bit. Expect more interesting updates when things come to hand!

Yes/No?
I have a room